The process of learning to positively express anger can be divided into three parts:
1. Recognizing your feelings. Almost all emotions are connected to some sort of physical reaction. Being aware of your physical reaction when you're angry can help you identify this emotion when you feel it.
2. Owning your feelings. The anger is yours. Another person may have said something or done something that punched your anger button, but the anger is yours and so are the feelings it triggers.
3. Responding to your feelings.
Learning and practicing constructive problem-solving can help you express and manage your anger. The following strategies will help you approach problems in a controlled effective manner:
- Make sure you're in a calm state of mind before confronting someone you're angry at. Don't bring up a long list of backlogged complaints. Instead, tackle one issue at a time.
- When bringing up or discussing a problem, always focus on the other person's behavior (what he or she is doing or not doing) rather than his or her personality. For example, say, "I would like you to become better at being on time," rather than "You're such an unreliable jerk."
- Be aware of your body language. Maintain eye contact and keep a relaxed and open body posture when talking.
- Speak in a normal tone and at a normal pace. Don't shout, yell or talk too fast or too long. If the other person disagrees with you, listen to his or her point of view, then restate what was said. Be willing to negotiate a solution. Avoid getting into an "I'm right, you're wrong" battle.
- Be patient with yourself and others.
If you have difficulty controlling your anger and temper call Holland Hospital Behavioral Health Services.